Knowing People

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What does it mean to 'know' someone? What does it mean when you say, or think "Oh, I know that person" - and not in the sense that you're acquainted with them but rather in the other sense. It is impossible to think that you know, that you can predict what a person will do or how they will react in every circumstance conceivable. Of that much I am certain. But then again, you will never be able to know the same about yourself either. But does that mean you never really know yourself either? So while you cannot really know anyone completely, I hardly think that should be the criterion used to decide.

When can you say that you know someone? Does time qualify as a reasonable criterion? Spending a large amount of time with someone does assure that you know certain aspects of them through observation or conversation - makes it impossible for you not to. But all the same, you can spend years with a person and not have any notion of who they are, feeling no connection to them whatsoever. Then perhaps it is the connection that matters? It is true that you can devote a large amount of time to someone, years perhaps, and yet feel like you have no connection. And likewise, spend a short amount of time with another and be aware of an instantaneous bond. I don't think there is anything you can actively do to aid or hasten this bond, it often just happens. Shared interests and experiences do help in the matter, but you can form connections with people you have absolutely nothing in common with. Maybe just a shared interest in knowing and befriending one another. Which is amazing, I think.

It is the most wonderful thing, getting to know details about a person, their interests, their temperament, their anxieties and passions. And as much as you're getting to know facts about them, I feel like more than that, you are getting to know - to form rather, an essence of them. Maybe it's idealized. Most often it might be. Maybe it's your creation and not theirs. But there is still an essence of the person, an actual essence of them in all the idealization. But you cannot really claim to know someone without giving yourself away as well. You need to meet them in the middle, or maybe wait for them there. And maybe that's what it means to know someone - be willing to travel halfway, and let them do the same.