Saving You.

Hola guys. This one is a Book Review x Self-Reflection crossover.

I just finished reading the test-of-mental-fortitude that is A Little Life. I'd say it was as bleak as The God of Small Things but somehow worse - the former held no promise of redemption, and the eventual ruin was the entire premise of the literature; the latter tempts one with its possibility of redemption, only to end up with every single character dying or being left behind. All of Jude's friends rally around him to 'save him', they see his potential, his goodness, they put their lives on hold for him. But not once, not even for a second, does Jude see this. Maybe he did, in passing, but ultimately, it was his unwavering belief in his worthlessness that persisted and ultimately won.

I think it's basic human instinct to try and save people, mostly from themselves. Not in the way that you jump in front of impending death to pull them out - more like risking every aspect of your mental health, your soul, to feel like a savior. For some reason, the intangibility of your being makes it somewhat unreal. You wouldn't throw away your body the way you thoughtlessly throw your being away. But why is that? What is with this self-destructive savior complex? You see it in everyone - people in relationships, parents and children, friends. Saving the other from themselves is the very premise of the connection. You want to be a saint, and you don't give a second thought to what you're risking in the pursuit.

Maybe it has to do with you never even attempting to save yourself. Maybe you think saving them invalidates your responsibility to yourself. You see how easy it would be to save them - how simplistic - if only they could see it too. But why would they, when you never saw it either? You never gave yourself a chance, so why would anyone else? To a large extent, the impending danger to the other seems projected - you project your insecurities, shortcomings and fears onto them and expect to solve them. You think it's selflessness, whereas it's hypocrisy. Do yourself a favor - save yourself.